Last night after dinner I told the girl child that I would show her how to do the dishes. She’s 9 yrs. old and it’s time for her to fulfill her daughterly duties. I filled the sink for her, got everything ready for the demo and showed her the dish washing ropes. No big deal, easy as pie. I stepped away and went into the living room to see if she would complete the task without supervision. Pretty soon I heard moaning and grumbling. And then I heard her whine, “This is soooooo gross I’m going to gag.” You would have thought I asked her to drink her own urine, not wash dishes. Sheesh! I asked her what the problem was and this is the conversation that ensued:
E: “This is disgusting, there’s all this food and stuff on the dishes”.
Me: “Um, yeah, dear, we just ate off of those plates and that is WHY you are washing them. What did you expect would be on them? What’s so gross about it?
E: “Well, it’s just gross. I don’t want to touch your uneaten food.”
Me: “Most of the food has already been washed off by the water.”
E: “I can still see it floating around in the water and there’s sticky stuff on the plates.”
Me: “Get used to it. You’re up against a lifetime of dirty dishes.”
E: “Just because YOU had to do dishes when YOU were young doesn’t mean I have to do them.”
Me: “Hey sister, we’re not talking about me. Who do you think you are? Just because you’re named after a queen doesn’t make you royalty. You’re a mere peasant around here and you are required to help out. Now, get to work and finish those dishes”.
Tune in next week when I tell her she has to clean the litter box. Bwahahahaha!
Oh cripes, this made me howl. Especially the royalty line. Kids have no idea how fricking easy they have it. Why when I was young I used to have to walk a thousand miles to school in my bare feet in the snow, with only a pop tart for breakfast….
WC
No, they have no idea how easy they have it. Mmmm…only a poptart for breakfast? Did they even make those back then? Bwahahahahaha!
Having children does have it’s good points and cheap labor is one of the best. Although it would probably be cheaper in the long run to hire it out and not have to pay for raising spawn.
Yes - cheap labor, but a whole lotta sass. I’m thinking it may be well worth the money to hire it out. I’m pretty sure the hired help wouldn’t get lippy with me.
Geesh, that was hilarious!
Note to WriterChick…I can one-up you:
I walked barefoot in the snow, too. Uphill.
Both ways.
So there.
:o)
Wow, you gals sure had it tough…walking barefoot in the snow and all. You’re lucky you didn’t lose your appendages to frost bite.
Love this. Betcha it won’t take long before she’s convincing you to buy a dishwasher!
Ha! She’s already suggested that. Too bad, we don’t have room for one.
Note to bizylizy:
well, I had a backpack full of stones and I’m little.
Note to 2LD:
Ah yeah, they had poptarts, you must be confusing my childhood for yours mwhahahahahahaha
Annie
Ooouch…ya got me, Annie!
I love this post, especially where she says, “Just because you have to do the dishes doesn’t mean I have to do the dishes”, I remember thinking that and actually saying that to my parents, it wasn’t about dishes though, but I can’t remember what it was.
Since there seems to be a little bit of one-upmanship going on here I will say that we lived in a shoebox and had to walk barefoot to school up hill both ways and we didn’t have pop tarts we had to eat gravel. (I think part of this comes from Monty Python). My mother told me she had to wear newspapers tied around her feet in the winter!
You had to eat gravel? Well, that would explain the recent tooth extraction, wouldn’t it? hahahahaha!
I don’t know about all that other crazy crap people are talking about
but I was definitely doing dishes and my own laundry at the age of nine. Bring on the cat poo. Hahahahaha. 
Yeah, I was doing all sorts of chores by that age as well. She did say, “You’d better not expect me to do my own laundry…that’s just disgusting.” WTH? I can’t figure out how she got so princess-ified. I think my task will now be to find the MOST disgusting thing I can have her do around here. Bwahaha!
LOL!
Your response to Peter had me giggling. It brought back a memory of my own stepdaughter. She was princified, but oh, so melodramatic in a different way. She projected this Cinderella personae, you know, the whole “oh whoa is me, I’m so *abused* and she would totally milk it. I’ll give you an example:
One day, I’m trying to take a nap & my 7 & 10 year olds are arguing in the living room. I come out, snappy, telling everyone to shut their traps, or else.
I go back in to lay down & begin to slip into a nice doze.
There’s a little tap at the door. Now what?
I open it & there’s my little angel, with big brown eyes, holding a tooth brush. She says in her sweet voice, “I’m so sorry for fighting. Would you like me to scrub the floors with this toothbrush?”
WTF?
Not sure where in the hell she came up with this twisted sort of self-degrading form of punishment, but she did, after all, wake me up FOR THE SECOND TIME! So I told her…
“knock yourself out, kiddo…”
Pathetic.
Ha!. That’s a great story. Sadly, I’m half expecting my daughter to pull that one day. She comes up with these twisted ways to make me feel sorry for her. She’s quite resourceful and she’s only 9 yrs. old. I can only imagine what it will be like when she’s older. *cringe*
You are such a mean mother
i just stopped bu for a minute i am nt doing well 
Heehee! I AM a mean mother!
OOooo…so sorry to hear you’re not doing well. I’ll pop over to your blog and check on you in a bit!
That was funny. Kids hate doing chores. My kids had a lot of them. My son was doing his own laundry at 11. It was his own fault. He told me they had taught his class about laundry and separating the colors. Big mistake on his part. He did his own after he told me that.
Once when he was vacuuming he sucked up lit ashes from the fireplace and fire was coming out of the back of the vacuum canister. It looked like a drag racing car about to take off. I had to throw it out the back door.
Hahaha…the vacuum story is awesome! I would have laughed my ass off watching that! See…that’s my problem…when she pulls her “I’m too good for chores” stint I just want to laugh at her.
You are too funny!
You should show her that picture of the 50’s girl drying the dishes and tell her that that is the face she is required to wear while doing dishes!! hehehehe
Heehee…”Smile and like it”…that’ll be my motto!
aahahhahahaa! Yes, Ma’am! Im glad my kid likes doing the dishes . . I think mainly because she plays in the water. But cleaning her room? Psh, you’d think I was beating that child the way she cries and bitches and moans.
You’re a good mom.
The funny thing is that when I mentioned the fact that the child was whining about doing the dishes to my Mom she said, “Oh, she always likes to help me do the dishes.” HA! Busted by Grandma!
Oooohhhh, happy day indeed when my imp will do the dishes. I suspect dishwashing would begin with letting the dog “clean off” the plates. On second thought…
In all seriousness, the kid is going to do chores. Helplessness is not an option.
I’m surprised mine didn’t try the dog licking trick. And I would have thought she’d like to do the dishes. She doesn’t complain about cleaning her room and she’s very independent - even gets her own lunch ready for school. Go figure.
When I was a kid, I hated doing dishes too. So I just told my mom I would vacuum. That worked every time, and even though vacuuming sucks (literally and figuratively), it’s balls better than getting your hands wet with other people’s leftovers.
Heck, vacuuming is fun! She loves to do that, but seeing as we only have one carpet to vacuum in the living room (the rest of the house has wood floors) it’s not much of a chore. So…dishes it is for her!
Very funny post. You should have her clean the bathroom. For me that’s the worst place to clean - i have a gag reflex everytime.
Thanks bluesuit. Oooo…I should have her clean the bathroom - that would induce vomiting for sure!
Dry heaving while doing dishes. I can actually see that. So so funny.
Hahaha. Yeah, who would have thought dish washing would induce vomiting? Maybe at a restaurant with all sorts of gunk & junk on the plates from strangers…but in your own home, from your own dishes? Pshaw!
I love how her little 9 year old brain never registered that someone had to touch the dirty dishes so she could eat off of clean plates.
Precisely. She’s a princess for sure. I can’t quite figure out why she thinks she lives at Lexington Palace! She’d never give a thought to the things that have to be done for her to have clean plates, clean clothes, etc.
Hi WC & BizyLizy,
You had SNOW! I am extremely jealous of your wonderful childhood experiences. I had to walk to school barefoot in the mud, which meant having to carry a rope and a 2×4 so you could extract yourself after hitting a deep spot. Also, all I got for breakfast was home made pop-tarts which, now that I’ve had the real thing, were only two pieces of dry white toast pinched together with some damp dirt in between. This, or so I suspect, explains why, all these years later, I still flinch at the sight of toaster pastries.
the Grit
Wow…you all sure had it tough…maybe you guys would like to come over to my house and share your stories with my daughter. Maybe then she’d see how easy she’s got it!
Thank you i am doing better today
hope you have a wonderful week
You’re welcome. Glad you’re feeling better. Hope you have a wonderful (and pain-free) week darlin’!
Hahaha…that’s right, you soap and scrub girl!! And by the way, I love my cat, I really do, but if I accidentally breathe through my nose when I’m cleaning his litterbox…bad times….(a.k.a. I will definitely tune in for when you make her try that one!
)
Hahaha. I’ve already explained the ‘breathing through the mouth’ technique to her in preparation for the cat box cleaning. She doesn’t quite get it, though. She’s definitely going to gag!
ha! tell her she’s lucky! my name MEANS “queen” and i used to get beat like Cinderella!
Oh crap…are you kidding? I’m going to tell her right now!
Oh, God, I’m laughing here.
Sent this link to my wife hoping she stops by.
Oh, this is good . . .
~m
The child never ceases to amaze me…or frustrate me. I have to laugh it off because she is, after all, just like her momma.
I think the kids are way more capable than they let on! What happens in my home is all the whining, putting off doing the requested chore, and doing mediocre work and I get so tired of nagging, finally I just do it myself.
I’m not doing it anymore. My twins are 12. Lexi girl seems to “get it” and does fine, actually outstanding work. Zach, ugh! I’m so sick of telling him to help out, he must be so sick of hearing my rant…….
So, tonight I said, “From now on, you come straight home from school and do your chores (1 chore mind you- empty out all the garbage cans on the first floor and bring out the kitchen garbage and recycle) - I told him NO more plans with any friends until his CHORE is done. HA! Shit, school is out in 9 days, then I’ll have to come up with something better…. DOH!
My older son did the same thing w/ the dishes, especially when you drain the sink and all the chunks were waiting in the drain plug thing-a-ma-bob, he’d gag! GET OVER IT!
Ohhhhh…these kids are far more capable than they let on. I don’t know why, but they’re just plain lazy. And mine will come up with ANY excuse not to do something that requires a little elbow grease. I’m gonna out-wit her one of these days!
Awesome post! I’m still smiling.
Hi Teeni!
Thanks for stopping by. Glad you liked the post. My child gives me plenty o’ blog fodder! I’ll be stopping by your blog in a bit. Have a great Memorial Day weekend!
Oh yeah. Very good post. i can relate.
When i first instructed my older daughter on dish washing- she was sooo very excited. Now, she mumbles and stumbles to the sink. i try not to go all “i’ve been doing dishes for x amount of years” on her. No one likes doing dishes. You’ve just got to do them.
She’s been helping me out for about four years now and i still go behind her, checking and all that. Most of the time, i just do them myself. It’s easier on everyone that way.
Thanks, c.
Ohhhh, I’m a huge proponent of using the “I’ve been doing xxx for x amount of years” line. I tend to use it mostly when she’s trying to inform me that I’m wrong about something she knows absolutely nothing about (which is pretty much every day).
I often fall into the “I’ll just do it myself, it’s easier” routine. I’m trying hard not to go that route because I know it will only make her lazier and it will reinforce the idea that if she complains she’ll get out of doing chores.
Have a great weekend!
This is just too funny….I found your blog through another person’s blogroll…but I’m officially hooked…you have a new loyal reader.
Hi pseudonymblog,
Thanks for stopping by, and for commenting. Yay! I’m glad you’re hooked. I’d visit you as well, but don’t have a link to your site.
Sorry for not leaving a link! It normally leaves it automatically on other wordpress blogs….anyway…
https://pseudonymblog.wordpress.com