Spending time with all of my family and friends this Christmas has reminded me of how much I’ve missed them in the last few years. I have great family and great friends and I can’t believe that I actually let someone talk me into believing that these people were less than wonderful…and were not worth being around. WTF? It’s crazy how easily we can become brainwashed into believing falsities when we are blinded by what we believe is love. But, on the other side of this is the question: why would someone that loves you point out all of the faults/imperfections of your family and friends to make them all seem substandard in your eyes? I think about this a great deal.
As I sat with my boisterous aunt on Christmas Eve and helped her polish off our 3rd bottle of wine, I reflected on all those times that my no-longer-significant other pointed out how rude and obnoxious she was. But, wait – wasn’t he the rude and obnoxious one for pointing out my aunt’s faults in the first place? I think so. Sure she’s loud, sure she can be obnoxious…but, shit, I think we ALL have that tendency at times. I love my family and friends, faults and all…isn’t that really what it’s all about? Nobody is perfect and most of us know we’re not. I feel bad for people who are raised to believe that they are superior to everyone else. They are just being set up for a lifetime of disappointment. It’s sad that some people are so intolerant and judgmental and its even more sad that someone like me (pretty much tolerant of any kind of behavior) would turn from my family and friends because I was swayed by someone like him.
Luckily for me they are my family and my friends and they would stand behind me no matter what. So, as I slowly gather them back into my circle I tell them all how sorry I am for what I’ve become, for how I’ve ignored them and shut them out of my life. They understand and they respond, “We are just glad to have you back.”
Two Lazy Dogs 
Such sweet insite…we love you!!
People who put down others have a problem with themselves….it helps them feel better. It is also a weird sort of control…alienation to others.
k
This was a great post and great insight. I agree with Kate. Sometimes others want to own us to the exclusion of all others. It is one sign that when they try to alienate us from our loved ones that can be a red flag that they are not good for us. I have learned it is best to keep up relationships with others even if our partner doesn’t like it, but the best thing would be a partner who loves us and our family. But they can be tricky and sometimes we don’t even notice what is happening. Now you’ve realized it good for you!
I understand where your coming from. Sometimes people want to affirm themselves by “testing” your loyalty.
But I must point out that you’re doing the same thing to your “ex” that you accuse him of doing. Many of your posts are about what a “bad person” your BF is.
I don’t believe I have made any specific reference indicating that he is a “bad person”; what I’m trying to convey is that he was “bad” for me and that I was in the wrong for changing who I was to please him. We all have our issues. Now that I can step back with a new perspective and evaluate the relationship I am simply pointing out what didn’t work for me. I am recognizing the lengths that I went to in order to please someone and realizing that I lost part of myself in the process.
I guess I thought your numerous references to him as an “asshole”, “rude and obnoxious”, “raised to believe ‘he” is superior to everyone else”, “intolerant”, “judgmental” and having a “superiority complex” could be summarized as “bad.”
It sucks that he forced you to change so much. Was he happy with all of the effort you went to? Everything that you’ve been going through can clearly be traced to him. It’s good that you’re able to communicate to him in this way.