Walmart is not my friend this week. Well, really, I can’t blame Walfart…it’s not the corporation that I’m fed up with, it’s the ignorant, common senseless, rude, annoying customers and employees that are causing my ire.
I should have know it was going to be a bad day when I got in the car and yelled, “I hate everything”. Not a good way to start the day. Oh, did I mention, I’m premenstrual. Yeah. That explains it all. So, as I pull into the Walfart parking lot I’m quite happy to find a fairly decent parking spot seeing as we have a billion tons of snow and negative wind chills. I pull into the spot and start to exit the vehicle. I hear a horn honking but think nothing of it. I hear it again and again, getting more frantic and louder. I then realize that the honking is coming from a minivan that is reversing toward me as I get out of my car. The minivan pulls right up next to me and my daughter as we begin our trudge to the store. And what do we see? A psychotic female driver, one hand still on the horn, the other flailing wildly in the air as she mouths something I cannot understand. She continues to yell and point at my car. I realize what she is trying to tell me through the rolled up windows of her minivan. I took her parking spot. WHAT? Seriously lady? She continues to scream “YOU TOOK MY SPOT”, without ever rolling down her window. I’m completely fired up at this point and scream right back at her “LADY, YOU WERE HALFWAY UP THE ROW. I DIDN’T EVEN SEE YOUR VEHICLE UNTIL YOU ALMOST RAN ME OVER! I’M NOT A MIND READER. I DIDN’T REALIZE THIS SPOT HAD YOUR NAME ON IT.” My child starts snickering and I grab her by the arm and we head toward the store. The frickin’ lady starts beeping her horn AT ME AGAIN. Oh man, I was SO ready to turn and run at her vehicle and offer her some more words of advice. But, I bit my tongue and walked away seeing as the little one was with me. And guess what mini 2LD tells me to do? She says, “Give it to her Mom…give her the finger!” The woman sat in her vehicle for a few moments…I think she actually thought I was going to climb back into my car and offer up the spot. Ha. Not so much. When she finally realized she was out of luck she sped past us, still yelling and flailing.
Now, I’m thoroughly annoyed and don’t quite feel like shopping but I’m on a mission. I need paint for my bedroom walls because, you see, I found a picture in Pottery Barn of these lovely brown walls and I decided I just HAD to have that color…TODAY. Thing is, the Pottery Barn paint is Benjamin Moore paint. We all know I’m little miss thrift and I’m certainly not going to spend $30 on a gallon of paint – especially when I’m only going to paint two walls. So, smarty me – I go to the Benjamin Moore store, get a swatch of the color I want and take that swatch to Walmart so the paint person can color match it. Wooooo!…..saving me about $17. I’ve had a custom color made before, it’s no big deal; the swatch is scanned and the computer comes up with a match. I proceed to have ‘Larry’ the paint guy make me my oh-so-lovely brown custom color. Apparently, it was Larry’s first day with the color match system. The color that Larry reveals when he opens the can makes both me and my daughter cringe. It’s not brown. Oh, no. It’s a washed-out sort of cranberry color. I explain that I will certainly not be painting my bedroom walls red, to which Larry replies, “It’s a custom color, you have to take it.” I respond, “The color you’ve made does not MATCH, and doesn’t even come close to the color on the swatch that I brought in so I would certainly hope I wouldn’t be required to purchase it.” Larry’s response, “Well, then you can go argue with my manager about it.” Me (trying very hard not to yell), “Oh, you bet I will, just point me in his direction”.
I guess Larry didn’t feel like getting reprimanded on this particular day because as soon as those words came out of my mouth his tune changed. He was going to go out of his way to ensure I got the color I wanted. He fiddled around with the swatch a few more times, ran it through the computer again, added some more colors and finally…an almost perfect match. He was suddenly very apologetic and thanked me for being patient. Damn skippy, Larry, ’cause I was gonna turn your ass into management.
Momma’s all happy now that she has her cheap, almost perfectly matched paint, now all we have to do is check out and we’re home free. Check out is usually not a problem because we use the self check-out. Momma can swipe those barcodes waaaay faster than those checkout gals! Except today. Wouldn’t you know. We get behind some freakish girl who, with only a few items, takes almost 10 frickin’ minutes to check out. Why? Because she has to put her gloves on to touch the screen, then she takes her gloves off to bag the item, then the gloves go back on to touch the screen, and so on, for the next 5 items. I stand there gritting my teeth, trying to find a magazine to look at to distract me. The girl can tell I’m obviously agitated. Gee, ya think? Who the heck goes through these crazy maneuvers just to check out? But wait, it gets better. After she scans her last item, she carefully removes her gloves, fishes in her purse and finally retrieves money. And guess what? She doesn’t have enough money for her purchase. OMG. She has to call an associate over to remove her supersize bag of Doritoes. I’m so flippin’ agitated at this point I’m quite sure my face is pure red. The girl turns to me and says, “Thank you for being so patient”. I smile (now I feel bad for being such an uber-impatient/intolerant person). On top of it all she makes sure to tell me to have a great day…and I, of course, tell her to do the same. Geez…can’t a girl just be agitated for ONE stinkin’ day without some nice person ruining it?
OMG! I am busting a gut over here! So darn funny & might I add — typical of a trip to Walmart!! That’s why I go to Target! 🙂
Hi Libby!
It’s funny now that I can look back at how ridiculous it all was. But at the time I was FUMING! I hate going to Walmart and definitely prefer Target but it’s farther away and I don’t get there quite as often as I’d like to. Grrrr.
i shop at Walmart and strange things happen. It drives me mad, yet fascinates me utterly. And it’s not just Walmart.
It’s everywhere beyond my front door.
Hi c, so nice to see you. I’ve missed you!
I’ve been such a hermit lately, maybe that’s why all this strangeness is happening to me.
I agree…it’s not just Walmart. I’ve had crazy interchanges…even at my local bank. Gah!
Nice people have a tendency to piss me off when their niceness is only a cover for their stupidity.
So true, Evyl. But it’s so frickin’ hard for me to stay mad when they’re stupidly sugary sweet!
*BUSTS OUT LAUGHING* – I know you were ranting but I was LOL- OMG…. psycho lady in the parking lot! I’ve had a run in at the Walfart parking lot myself. Come to think of it, I was with my daughter… but I didn’t hold back- I blew holy hell on this bitch’s ass because she was so ignorant. Then she said, “Nice of you to curse in front of your daughter!” and I said, “I can guarantee that SHE thinks your an asshole too!” BAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Do you remember the lady at my work that did the same thing to me? I parked and she called me an f’ing “B” because I took her spot? OMG, I most certainly would NEVER do that, to anyone, ever. She was 100% wrong and if I hadn’t been at work, I might have knocked her front teeth out…. she was sooooooo lucky I was at my place of employment.
And as for the paint mix-master ….. GAH!!!!! GRRRRR!
When you write this woman in the self check out had “gloves” – like, rubber gloves because she didn’t want to touch the dirty screen? I would have kicked her right in the “sweet” ass!
Heehee. Yeah, I try to have a filter when I’m with E…but she’s getting to the point where she knows well enough to get fed up with these folks, as well. I think she was hoping that we’d run into ‘parking lot lady’ in the store so mom could confront her!
And the woman with the gloves…they were thick WINTER gloves. Good God, it took her FOREVER to get them on and off. I kept thinking, “Am I just getting older and more irritable…or is THIS JUST RIDICULOUS?”
Thanks, 2LD! I really needed a good laugh. I could see you, I could see Larry, lol. And boy, could I see the woman with the gloves 😉 Very close to my shopping experience from time to time. Once I had 4 shop assistance trying to scan one lousy gift set for me. For 10 minutes. Bless.
Thanks, Sophia!
Why is it that the entire “The customer is always right” idea has gone to the dogs? I couldn’t believe that Larry the paint guy was going to argue with me about the color! This is why I tend to stay in my house…and shop online!
You and I need to go shopping together. Laughter is the best medicine and you made me laugh my ass off with this one!
Shit, girrl. Every time I leave the house I tell myself I am NEVER going out again. The mindboggling stupidity of people exhausts me …..
Oh, we’d have a blast shopping together. No holds barred, baby! I really do try to reign in my temper when I’m with my daughter. I don’t want her to be a 10 yr. old with the intolerance of her mother! But now, when she shops with me and can tell I’m annoyed with someone – she starts to clear her throat loudly in an attempt to annoy the person. Ha!
The stupidity is mind boggling. Now I know why I do all my Christmas shopping online and never step foot in a store. God, I can only imagine the idiots out shopping during the holidays.
BBBBBBBBBBAAAHAHAHA and this is why the two of us better never go to walmart together.
Ok the chick and the parking spot. I would have waited for her ass to make it to the door and had a few choice words with her. That’s BS at it’s finest. Stupid bitches. It’s called whoever gets there first gets it..you don’t put dibs on a spot just cuz you “see” it first. Wow what a wack job.
and that bit with paintboy..that’s cracking me up. Isn’t it funny when you agree to talk to their manager their attitude changes. They would wipe your ass if you told them to.
I’m in a piss ass mood today (yeah what else is new right?) and is why I’ll be tracking clear across town to go to the little grocery store because I refuse to deal with this kind of crap today.
Honestly, JJ, if I didn’t have to step foot in Walmart again, I’d be one happy chick. Unfortunately, their prices are SO low compared to my local grocery store – where I tend to drop a $20 just for milk – I have to hoof it to Walmart to save $$$.
I’d be oh-so-much-happier if I could just do all of my shopping online and have everything come right to my door. Not sure how well the milk & other dairy products would do in transit, though!
Holy Crap! What a trip from hell. I rarely shop at Walmart where I live b/c I think it was on some national poll as one of the busiest in the US. I echo Libby and say this is why I shop at Target. Man, hope today is a little better.
Definitely a trip from hell. I used to NEVER shop at Walmart but when they opened the supercenter near us the prices were so low I HAD to shop there. I prefer Target but it’s so much farther from me I only get there about once every 2 months. There are always rumors flying that one will be opening near us. It’s such a tease. I *heart* Target!
And what a fan-fucking-tastic rant it was!!!
“now I feel bad for being such an uber-impatient/intolerant person” <— why?!!! why feel bad ?!!! I sure as fuck wouldnt’ feel bad.
I hope today is better for you, Ms2LD.
Why, thank you, Red!
I think every day is fine…as long as I don’t have to step foot in Walmart…or any other large chain store, for that matter. They’re just running rampant with idiots!!
just curious…what makes target different? We were always promised one in our town and never got one.
Oh my…Target….is…glorious. So much good stuff. I always come out spending WAY too much money when I shop there, though. Great housewares – bedding, towels, curtains, dishes; cool clothing, purses, accessories. Much more stylish and higher end than Walmart. Check it out online…you’ll see!
Wow. I’ve always hated Hell-mart and the way people become instant @sswipes as soon as they enter the premises of said Hell-mart. It’s insane. Good for you about the color match. I will have to remember that. And hell, did checkout girl have some serious OCD? I guess it’s good though that the thanked you and wished you a good day. It kind of diffuses the situation and ends the hell there. Otherwise, it could have continued right into your evening. 😉
Ahhhh…HellMart…love that, mind if I borrow it? I’m going to try and stay away from there for a bit…maybe try and make my rounds to some other, hopefully, less stress-invoking stores. If there is such a thing.
Yes, the girl definitely had a bad case of OCD. And I started to feel bad because I was so huffy. But geez, if you’ve got THAT bad of an issue, stay at home and shop online…or have a cashier check you out so you don’t HAVE to touch anything!
What a great entry:) At least you turned the painful trip and stupid people into a blogging rant for others to enjoy – lol. I wish I wasn’t scared of idiots who fight over parking spaces — I always end up moving my car cause I’m afraid they’ll come back and do some damage once I’m in the store. In other words, yes, I’m a big pussy. I also have an 11-year old & she’s with me every time I get involved in anything stupid. She’s keeping track of all of it for future reference. She, too, loves the idea of using the finger, but when I really say something she gets freaked & embarrassed. There’s just no pleasing a pre-teen chick:)
Thanks, Pamajama! I do my best to keep you all entertained!
Honestly, I was quite sure the woman was so infuriated that she’d do something to my car. I was prepared for it…but she didn’t even leave a note. Right now my pre-teen thinks it’s pretty funny when I have run-ins. I’m sure that won’t last, soon she’ll get embarrassed and refuse to shop with me.
Hi 2,
Last time I had a confrontation like that in a Wal*Mart parking lot, a man pulled through from the opposite side of the space I was aiming at and I had to swerve into the next space to avoid smashing his tiny car with my large truck. Still, being a peace loving sort, I ignored his bad driving and rude behavior and headed for the store. But, oh no, he had to follow me and start bitching about how close I had come to hitting him. I pointed out that, since he hadn’t followed the marked directions on the road any collision would have been his fault, and once again headed for the store. Apparently, this didn’t satisfy him, as he actually had the audacity to put his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to turn me around to face additional verbal confrontation. At this point, I grabbed his wrist and yanked him around in front of me, then offered him my cell phone. This made him pause with a stunned look on his face, to which I responded, “Go ahead and call 911.” He still looked puzzled so I said, “So there’s a chance the police will get here in time to pull me off before I beat you to death.” He ran back to his car and left. The people who witnessed the incident applauded, including a couple of the guys who bring the shopping carts back inside. I love Wal*Mart. Well, at least my local one where I know most of the staff and almost always meet a couple of friends who are also shopping.
the Grit
Hey Grit,
Ok, that’s it. Next time I go shopping at WalMart you’re coming with me!
woo hoo I want to go shopping with Grit!!! Now that’s my kind of action. WOO HOO!
I hate smears like that ..pulling some dumbass crap and then acting like it’s your fault.
I’m going to remember the handing the phone to them and that line…now that’s a good one.
I know! Me too! Hell, we’d have a great posse. I can see it now.
Hi JJ,
I do have my moments 🙂
the Grit
I hate Walmart. Hate it, hate it, hate it. There is much prep work involved in gearing up to suffer the wrath of ill-behaved, unsupervised little chocolate covered brats milling about my ankles and their far worse and obnoxious parents. Why is it that for every reasonable person such as yourself who has to suffer a day at Walmart there are about fifty-five inconsiderate bastards to make it that much worse? Good for you for yelling at that spot-nazi.
“Oh, it’s your spot? Ok, I’ll be right back.” *Goes into store, waving merrily, recording license plate number in very obvious manner in case of damage to vehicle upon return.*
Mahaha, take that!
Funny, but lately it’s not been the kids that have been bothersome (although there are some moments when I want to haul off and whack some screaming, kicking child. Oh, did I just admit that?) But the adults. My God. I even had it out with an elderly couple recently. They were standing in the drapery aisle, taking up the entire aisle so no one could get by. I stood there, waiting. And finally blurted out, “Are you kidding me?”; it took them a moment but they finally moved. What the hell is wrong with people?
Hi 2,
I know the greeters at my local WM, and they know me, well enough, that they keep a shopping cart without any wobbles or squeaks waiting for me. My high speed power shopping is rapidly becoming legendary in these parts. You should also note that, on more than one occasion, WM employees have asked me where things were located. Heck, I should probably teach a class.
the Grit
Hey Grit,
Wow, are you SURE you want to admit all this? Ha. At least it’s gratifying to hear that they’re catering to you. I’ve yet to have a cart that doesn’t squeak or stick. Grrrr. I’m actually thinking about never, ever stepping foot into another WM. Never. Ever.
Man… but I agree. Wal-Mart is just a breeding ground for assholery. Why do I shop there still? They really do have low prices…
Howdy stranger!
It’s too bad we all don’t live closer – we could arrange a team effort shopping outting. Of course, cocktails would be needed beforehand.
Wal-Mart is evil. I only go in a dire emergency and would rather set my eyebrows on fire than shop there. I love that Larry made a mistake and wanted you to pay for it… now THAT’S customer service. I’d definitely have Wal-Mart mix all my paints after such a pleasant exchange. What a tool.
It truly is evil. I’m rooting for Target…all the way. I just wish they had paint because now I’m in a quandary as to where to get cheap paint. This was an excellent example of “You get what you pay for”. I’ll certainly bite the bullet next time and pay more for my paint if it means the customer servant will kiss my ass.
Hi there,
Just came across your blog. Love it! And love your brown walls, too. 🙂
Chrissy
Hi Chrissy,
Thanks for stopping by! Glad you enjoy my blog…and my brown walls. Yummy, aren’t they?