The weather in New York state is all but predictable. A few days ago I woke to find the thermometer reading -5 degrees. Holy shit, that’s cold even for a born and bred Northerner. Then, a few days later it’s a whopping 50 degrees. Yep, that’s right. And people wonder why I’m so cranky.
Since it had warmed up so much I figured it was about time that I took the rotting pumpkin off my front porch and threw it in the compost pile. I was finally able to make my way out the back door, across the deck (which now only has about one foot of compacted snow/ice on it as opposed to the 3 feet of snow it had on it a week ago) and out to the compost pile behind the garage. But…not without incident. You see, as I approached the steps leading down to the backyard my heel hit a piece of ice and WHHHHOOOOOSH! There I went. Sliding at full speed down the steps (which were actually more like an ice slide since I hadn’t shoveled them in months) and landing with a hard cruuunch on my ass. Ouch. Surprisingly enough, I didn’t drop the pumpkin. It was still planted firmly in my hands which meant that my ass took a terrible beating since I didn’t use my hands to break the fall. I started laughing, as I often do when I do something foolish and get hurt. Both of the dogs were outside and Gus came rushing to my side, licking my face as I laughed hysterically. I was still lying on the ground when I looked up to see this coming at me:
Yeah. Crazy. Ferocious. Dog.
Ridley gets spastic in the snow and it didn’t help that his mom was lying there laughing, holding a pumpkin. He came bounding toward me and pounced right on top of me. Barking and nipping like his Borderline Collie self. He then decided this was going to be a get-the-pumpkin game and started coming at me from all sides trying to pry the rotting pumpkin from my hands. This made me laugh even harder. And then it happened. I peed my pants. Oh, come on! Don’t tell me that if you fell on your ass into the cold, melting snow you, TOO, wouldn’t wet yourself!
By the time I got myself up and walked into the house, tears were streaming down my cheeks from laughing so hard. My child just looked at me, shook her head in disgust and in her motherly tone said, “What is wrong with you?” I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth so I crept upstairs and hit the shower. Damn weather. Damn dogs. Damn bladder.
Two Lazy Dogs 
ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh my gosh that is friggin hilarious!! My kids would disown me…but hell I’m having them take pictures of me in front of antlers at church….so wet pants would not surprise them!
oh my gosh you and I are going to have wayyyy too much fun with these buddies!
Mwahahahaha! It was lying-in-the-cold-wet-snow-peeing-my-pants funny!
Oh…I CANNOT wait for my first visitor. Wooooo! They have NO idea what they’re in for! Perhaps some slip ‘n sliding in the muddy back yard? Polar bear swim at the lake? EEEeeek!
I hope you didn’t break your ass like I did. I can just imagine you sitting there with a pumpkin in your lap, wet pants and being attacked by your dog. Thank goodness I went to pee a few minutes ago cause I don’t want to wet my chair. Now, don’t you just love snow!!!
No broken ass on this fall. It was almost like a luge. I just went sliding – no pain or big ass smack involved. Phew! Thankfully, you DID pee before reading this. I should have started with a disclaimer, huh?
BWaahaahhHaHAHAHAH!!! I wet myself on Friday when I got to cooking for a party and decided a potty break could wait till I was done in the kitchen. I got a big whiff of black pepper and yep! A big old sneeze and that’s all she wrote! Wet panties!
I cracked up then and that just made it worse!!!
I , however, had no witnesses!! 😀
You must have scared them chilluns and doggers with that laughing! What sane person would be lying there in the snow giggling like a danged fool? Uhhh, ME!! Haahaa!!
Oh, you think it’s funny, do you? Heeheeheehee. Nothing like a good peeing in your pants! Yep, I think the dogs thought I was bonkers. The child, well, she knows better to expect that type of behavior from me!
That is hilarious, although I was expecting that you would have fallen face first into the pumpkin. Personally I think peeing yourself is way less gross, ’cause changing doesn’t require picking pumpkin sludge from your hair! Far better ending in my opinion 😛
Ugh. Falling face first into the pumpkin would have induced some vomiting, for sure. It was nasty, moldly, squishy, stinky. I’ll take pee pants any day!
HAHAHAHAHA! I’m laughing because I’ve not only fallen on my ass millions of time (snow, ice, high heels, not paying attention and who knows why) but also because I peed my pants a few weeks ago. I had bronchitis and coughed so hard that whoops! I peed. Sadly I wasn’t at home so I had to be in wet pants for about 30 minutes until I could change. AWESOME.
Congrats on not dropping the pumpkin. If it had been me, I would’ve fallen and somehow hit myself in the head with the pumpkin which would have then exploded all over the porch, me and the dogs.
Ahahahahahahaha. Awesome! I’m just glad I’m not the only pee-er! I used to have such a strong bladder…before the child and the surgeries. It’s all down hill (or down the leg) from here, I fear!
Why didn’t you let go of the pumpkin? 😯
LOL. People are too funny. I guess your reaction to save the pumpkin was too strong so you couldn’t save yourself. Hey, it’s okay if you wet your pants from laughing. It’s the only excuse that is acceptable, actually! 😉
I think I held that pumpkin for dear life because it was so mushy & squishy and I knew it would be ultra-bad if the nasty, rotting thing smashed to pieces on me. On the other hand, if I had let it fall into the yard there was no doubt that the mongrels would have gobbled it up. Yuck. And that would just lead to doggy vomit, or worse, in my house!!
Fucking-A hilarious! Sorry, but… “which meant that my ass took a terrible beating since I didn’t use my hands to break the fall”
OMG, I’m dying here. 2LD, did you tell your pups not to eat that yellow snow *wink* Ewwww, yeah, I went there!
Love to you crazy pumpkin lady!!!
Hahahahaha! I didn’t even think about the yellow snow! But…there wasn’t any because it was well contained within my pants! Ha. The dogs were smelling me, though, wondering what the hell I’d done. Ick.
Too funny! I’m sorry I couldn’t witness it first hand but then again I would have taken one look at you and would have ended up in the snow with wet pants myself.
Heehee. I’m so glad I’m not the only one with laugh-incontinence! We all should probably stay away from each other or the peeing-the-pants just might snowball!
I dated a girl in Angola NY for a number of years. I just realized what region you are in. Small world.
Wow. Small world, indeed! I live just a hop, skip and jump from Angola.
Life is soooo much fun, ain’t it?! 🙂
It’s good of you to share so freely with us. I’m laughing at this because I could tell a story about something that happened to me recently, but it would be considered TMI in anyone’s book. So I’ll forego the embarassment it caused me. But really I enjoyed the little outdoor adventure you had.
Hahaha. Outdoor adventure, indeed. It’s typical of me to share too much information. But come on, if I can do it, you can do it!
You are the best…I would have cried and sat there in the snow till someone came and got me.
I knew if I just lay there no one would ever find me. My daughter would have just looked out the window and laughed!