Saturday Morning Abstract

For my love

“Iloveyou” seg 2008

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Six Word Memoir Meme

Oh boy, fasten your seat belts folks because this is a BiG (and I mean BIG) step from where I was just eight months ago…as you loyal readers can attest. No more angry, bitter, annoyed, bitchy, whining 2LD (well, at least for this post). If I had been asked to do this meme just a few months ago it probably would have read: Tired of dealing, I’m giving up…or some sad, sorry sentence. But I believe in fate, and destiny and will have to admit that I do believe everything happens for a reason (yeah, I know, corny). Gosh, I’m gonna chase away all my readers with this sap. Sorry. But, things have changed around here in 2LD-dom. It seems that being terribly enamoured with someone out there in the blogosphere has changed my perspective and now I cheerfully greet the day.

First, I want to thank Trisha for tagging me and making me put my thinking cap on, whether I wanted to, or not. I love you, girl! You’re an inspiration…and you give me HOPE! And now for the rules (and as everyone knows – I will not be following them – at least on the tagging part):

• Write a six-word memoir.
• Post it to your blog including a visual illustration if you would like.
• Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere .
• Tag 5 more blogs with links .
• Don’t forget to leave a comment in the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.
  

And now, without further ado, my six word memoir…because no matter what happens in this crazy life of mine, it comes down to this:

All I really need is love.

Marc Chagall – The Enamoured

P.S. I love you (you know who you are). Thank you for coming into my life!

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Blah…just blah

Blah…that’s it…that’s just how I feel. I hate the feelings that this illness creates. I’m so tired of struggling with love addiction. I do have good days, but it seems like the bad outweigh the good as of late. It has a great deal to do with my own negative self-talk. You know?…the stuff that floats around in your brain making you crazy – the stuff that you say to yourself. Things like…”I’ll never be happy”, “I’m just not good enough”, “I hate my life”, “Everything is my fault”. It’s an easy trap to fall into – the hard part is talking yourself out of it. In therapy your taught to practice positive self-talk but that’s easier said than done.

I do alright if I take my meds like a good girl, but I’m stubborn, and feel like I should be able to conquer this on my own. Funny – I can talk myself into being strong and fighting this illness and at the same time I can dig myself deeper and deeper into despair just by my own self-talk. It’s a constant internal battle.

My mind likes to hold on to the past. I am not good with change. I admit it. So, when I face a major change all I want to do is curl up into a ball – OR – be back in my previous situation. Why? Why would I want to be back in a situation that was making me miserable? Because people like me would rather stay in a familiar, unhappy situation than try something new. I know it sounds crazy but that’s exactly the way I feel. I am fully aware that I am responsible for making myself happy – but sometimes it takes a great deal of convincing after going through a situation such as this. As anyone facing addiction knows, it’s hard to bring yourself to acknowledge that the thing you want the most is the thing that makes you feel the worst. Is anybody getting sick of hearing this? I am.

I believe that I am mistaking my feelings. It’s difficult for me to acknowledge that what I am actually feeling is anger/grief/disbelief over the end of a relationship – not over my perceived need, want or wish to be back in the relationship. It’s a matter of accepting these feelings for what they are and not morphing them into something they’re not. Then there is the other issue I struggle with constantly – have I ever truly been in love or have I always just been ‘in love’ with the idea of being in love? Do I just fall in love with the ‘idea’ of the person? How will I know for sure? What if I start to fall into the same patterns in my next relationship?

All of these thoughts pile up into one huge festering burden for me…and then, all it takes is a quick encounter with one smiling, happy person (someone who has absolutely no idea what I’m going through right now) who, out of the blue, says “You are worth much more than you think!” And WHAM! I think, shit…I can get through this…no, wait, I KNOW I can get through this!

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Feisty Friday

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All You Need is Love

Since my nine year old daughter believes that she is an expert on everything I thought it would be fun to ask her some questions about dating, love and marriage. And now, for your entertainment…

WHAT DO PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

E: They talk about themselves so they get to know each other better. And they sometimes drink beer and wine and go to a restaurant.

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

E: I’d say its okay when kids aren’t around and its in a quiet room (with lights on and stuff) right after you’re talking about yourself and stuff.

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

E: Its better to be married so you have the dad to take care of the kids and help – so you won’t be alone and have your hands full.

WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE?

E: Probably because girls think men are handsome sometimes and they laugh a lot – and men think women are hot and cute because some have slim bodies.

WHAT DO YOU THINK FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE?

E: I think it is very dreamy, you just doze off . You’re calm and relaxed and thinking about getting married.

HOW DO YOU MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU?

E: You dress up nice, put makeup on to make all your zits go away, lipstick and eyeshadow, and nice clothes. Men would wear a suit and tie.

WHAT DO YOU THINK MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”?

E: I’m gonna have a good life with this man or woman. I’ll be happier, I won’t be alone.

HOW DOES A PERSON LEARN TO KISS?

E: Probably from their parents because they kiss with their husbands and kids see it.

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

E: Um, I’d say 32, because most people don’t have babies when they’re really young.

HOW DO PEOPLE MAKE LOVE LAST?

E: By being nice and dreamy to each other.

And there you have it…from the wisest of the wise!

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