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Posts Tagged ‘drinking’

For lack of anything interesting to write about I’ve decided to turn this into a wine review blog. Just kidding.

I have been drinking some interesting wines as of late. I have my favorites (all reds – mostly Cabernet’s, of course) but I’ve decided to venture out and try some new varieties. I’ve been making weekly trips to my favorite liquor store (seeing as I’ve been inducted into their wine club I feel compelled to spend some time there every week) and have been selecting wines for their interesting labels. I know, you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover wine by it’s label but some are too fun to pass up, like this one:

A fine 2005 Pinot Noir. It was very smooth, mild bodied, a bit fruity for my taste, but at just $8.99 a bottle – a keeper in my book.

The child saw the bottle sitting on the counter and, of course, had to comment; “Well, that’s inappropriate!”. Funny, I was thinking just the opposite.

She likes to make a big deal of the whole naughty word issue, even though if the mood strikes her she’s more than likely to spout a few of the words herself. I explained that the woman on the label was walking what appeared to be her purebred female dog – and because of it’s purebred status it could alternately be deemed royal – therefore the title royal bitch. I decided not to tell her the wine was probably named after her mother.

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Dearest Blogospherians, please accept my sincerest apologies for taking so long in getting another installment of E’s Elucidations together. With some gentle prodding and excellent topic suggestions from the lovely Rachel over at Whostheboss, I got my ass in gear and am happy to present my child’s take on drinking and alcohol:

WHY DO YOU THINK ADULTS DRINK ALCOHOL?

E: Um, hmm… probably because they think it tastes good so it gets really addicting to drink.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ALCOHOL TASTES LIKE?

E: I’m not sure.

HOW DO YOU THINK ALCOHOL MAKES YOU FEEL?

E: Calm and relaxed because when people drink alcohol they are always sitting back and relaxing.

WHAT DOES GETTING DRUNK MEAN?

E: When you drink a lot of alcohol and then it makes you crazy.

HOW MANY DRINKS DO YOU THINK IT TAKES TO GET DRUNK?

E: Five or ten.

SHOULD YOU DRINK AND DRIVE?

E: No, because you might get in a car accident because you’re crazy and drunk.

WHY AREN’T KIDS ALLOWED TO HAVE ALCOHOL?

E: Because it’s bad for them. Their parents probably don’t want them to get drunk because they’ll get crazy and swear.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF SOMEONE OFFERS YOU ALCOHOL?

E: Say “no” and run away.

IS BEER WORSE THAN WINE?

E: Yes, because wine is made from grapes so it’s healthier and beer is mostly alcohol – that’s what I’m guessing.

WHAT IS A HANGOVER?

E: I have no clue.

Hope you enjoyed that! Now, I’m going to go grab myself five (or ten) beers and relax!

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I went out with a good friend the other night. We went to a local bar/restaurant owned by a friend. We sidled up to the bar and began our Friday night regimen of Hot Toddies and beer. Mmmm, yum. My friend is married so she doesn’t have the same “on the prowl” instinct as I do. Not that I’m actively looking, but it is always fun to “scope” out the possibilities. I was really not in the mood for prowling on this particular evening and the population of the bar was not at all conducive to such antics. The patrons at the bar consisted of the two of us, another male friend of ours, a female friend who was on a date, some random folks, and the owner and employees.

It’s true what they say – things happen when you least expect them. By the end of the evening I‘d had my fill of unexpected, flirtatious interactions. For beginners, the chef (who was mildly attractive – and humorous) came out of the kitchen, began to chit chat with me and suddenly blurted out, “Ok, so when you woman have babies I know your bladders get kinda weak…what type of thing makes you lose control?” WTF? Are you serious? M’kay…I was a bit Hot Toddied and beered-up so I replied, “Well, I had bladder surgery and frankly, I don’t lose control when I laugh, sneeze, or cough…nope…I just lose control when I am walking home in the cold, after an evening of partaking in the drink and I get startled or frightened (usually because I think some stranger’s vehicle is stalking me).” Wrong thing to say…he was enamored with me from then on. How can you blame him? He planted himself behind the bar and right in front of me the rest of the evening. Heh!

My girlfriend then decides to stir it up a bit and suggests that I “have a go-around” (read: rebound sex) with our male friend (whom I’ve had relations with in the past – the long, long ago past). I tell her that I really don’t think it’s a good idea. He must have overheard some of our conversation because he starts in with the reminiscing. He begins to talk about how we met, how much fun we had, our drunken, midnight skinny dips. And on that note I decided it was time for me to exit before I got into trouble.

As we get up to leave I walk over to say goodnight to my female friend who is on a date with an elderly, gentleman artist. As I approach her, her date (who I have never met) grabs me by the arm and says “You are so beautiful you could do anything you want.” Excuse me? WTF? Now I’m getting frightened (and hoping it’s not cold enough in the bar for me to pee my pants). The poor girl. I look at her apologetically and she responds with an indifferent gaze. I give her a quick hug and escape without any further man handling.

It looks like my Village People collection is amassing quite quickly. First, it was the policeman (who, by the way, has still not contacted me), then the snow plow guy and now the chef, a friend (he used to be in the service – so let’s just say he’s the sailor), and an artist. Alas, not really what I had in mind. Where the fuck is my cowboy?

 

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