You Know You’ve Been Single Too Long When…

You wake up in the morning with a 95 lb. dog sleeping next to you and your daughter is standing at the end of the bed laughing, saying, “He looks like he could be your husband!”

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“T” is for Tranquilizer

I woke up this morning with cramps (ugh) so I went straight for the medicine cabinet to grab some ibuprofen. As I walked in the bathroom, opened the cabinet and grabbed the drugs, I heard this from the hallway (in a snide, 9 year old’s voice):

“Taking your tranquilizers today?”

Oy, she sure knows how to yank my chain. I was quite cranky when I woke up but her remark was so damn hysterical that I cannot stop laughing every time I think about it.

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E’s Elucidation – Let the Music Play

I know, I know, it’s been far too long since I’ve posted one of these interviews but, hey, life gets in the way sometimes! Just calm down, sit back and enjoy another of E’s Elucidations…this time around, it’s all about the tunage:

WHAT IS YOUR TAKE OF THE MUSIC SCENE THESE DAYS?

E: Right now the most popular music is from the hottest teens like Sean Kingston, Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers.

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE MUSICAL ARTIST?

E: Jonas Brothers

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS?

E: “Play My Music” by the Jonas Brothers; “This is Me” by Demi Lovato; “Low” by Flo Rida.

WHAT DO YOU THINK MAKES A MUSICIAN POPULAR?

E: Their good voice and the catchy tunes they sing.

DO YOU HAVE AN MP3 PLAYER OR iPOD?

E: No, I really want one but my Mom says they are too expensive.

WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE SOME MUSICIANS HAVE EXPLICIT LYRICS IN THEIR SONGS?

E: Because they are letting their emotions out, just letting everything go.

WHY DO THEY PLAY THE SAME SONGS OVER AND OVER ON THE RADIO?

E: So people can listen. If one person listens and then they tell a friend, they might want to listen.

WHAT DO MUSICIANS WRITE SONGS ABOUT?

E: Maybe about girlfriends, boyfriends, love, having a bad day, practically anything.

WHAT MUSIC THAT YOUR MOM LISTENS TO IS YOUR FAVORITE?

E: Black Eyed Peas

ARE THERE ANY MUSICIANS YOU DON’T LIKE?

E: Yes, very many; Dixie Chicks, Barenaked Ladies, Vanessa Hudgens, and Cheetah Girls because of the way they sing.

ARE YOU A GOOD SINGER?

E: Yes, because my Mom says so.

IS YOUR MOTHER?

E: No, she doesn’t sing in tune.

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You’re so Vain

E came home from school the other day and told me of a conversation that she had with a friend. She was talking with this particular friend and the friend was complaining that her new flip flops were very uncomfortable. The friend said “I have to be cute so I have to wear them.” E said, “It doesn’t matter what you look like, it matters what’s inside”. Her friend replied, “I always have to be cute”. Sheesh, these girls are only 9 years old!

After E relayed the story, she blurted out, “I bet if I look up the word ‘vain’ in the dictionary it would have a picture of Xxxxxx underneath it.” Woooooo…she’s got snark, just like her momma.

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E’s Elucidations – If You Ain’t Got No Money, Take Yo’ Broke Ass Home

I’ve decided to spare ya’ll the bitchiness that is accompanying my path to great ass-ness and instead will share with you the unfaltering wisdom of my young one. I’m happy to bring you another installment of E’s Elucidations. This one’s all about the cold, hard cash.

IS MONEY IMPORTANT AND WHY?

E: Yes it is important because you need it to help yourself survive and get food and clothes.

WHEN WAS MONEY INVENTED?

E: Probably when there were only a few people on earth.

WHERE DOES MONEY COME FROM?

E: It probably came from the Europeans.

WHY ARE THERE DIFFERENT KINDS OF MONEY?

E: If you had to pay $10 and you only had $5 you would need a different kind of bill.

WHAT DOES A BANK DO WITH EVERYONE’S MONEY?

E: It keeps people’s money in a safe so it won’t get stolen.

WHAT ARE CREDIT CARDS USED FOR?

E: Charging and buying things and then you get a bill and have to pay for the amount you charge on your credit card.

DO YOU THINK CREDIT CARDS ARE A GOOD IDEA?

E: Yes, because if you don’t have the money you can just charge something on a credit card.

WHAT IS A 401(k)?

E: Never heard of it.

HOW DO RICH PEOPLE GET RICH, AND POOR PEOPLE GET POOR?

E: Rich people get rich because they probably have a very good job and they get $20 an hour. Poor people get poor because they can’t find good jobs and live on the streets.

DO YOU HAVE TO WORK REALLY HARD TO MAKE MONEY?

E: Yes, because the harder you work, the more money you get.

WHY DO SOME PEOPLE WANT MORE MONEY WHEN THEY ALREADY HAVE A LOT OF IT?

E: Probably because they want to buy something expensive and need more money to buy it.

IF YOU HAD A MILLION DOLLARS WHAT WOULD YOU BUY?

E: Lots of Webkinz and the charms, clothes and bags for them. And I’d buy my Grandma & Grandpa a convertible for the summer.

IF YOU WERE POOR HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?

E: Sad, because I wouldn’t have any money for food.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP THE POOR?

E: Give them money, food and shelter.

E: Are we done yet? That’ll be $1.50, please.

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