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Posts Tagged ‘annoyance’

I’m sitting on my deck innocently trying to catch up on my blog reading when all of a sudden I feel something on my foot. I writhe a bit and let out my typical I-can’t-get-this-off-of-my-body-soon-enough squeal as I swat whatever creature has decided to land on me away. But…oh no…this thing doesn’t move. BECAUSE it’s a huge frickin’ insect that has apparently attached itself to my foot with its sticky clawed legs. Ugh. Most of you are not aware that I am plagued by Insectus Giganticus Syndrome. I blogged about it last year here.

Now, I can handle bugs – most bugs, that is. I’ve lived in apartments above bars/restaurants before and was accustomed to having cockroaches crawl about my body whilst drunkenly passed out on my futon…and was also accustomed to watching said insects scurry in swarms down my drain when I turned on the kitchen light. No big deal.

Here’s the problem. I live in New York…not Florida, not Arizona…not in a state that is commonly known for LARGE, mutant insects. If a bug is larger than my thumb then there’s a problem. It should be living in another state. Not here.

So, when I go to swat this insect off of my foot and feel its sticky, squishy body, I, of course, investigate. To my shock and horror it is some horrific, prehistoric looking thing. It plays dead as I remove it from my foot.

It’s just nasty, nasty…would you want that mofo clinging to your foot? I think not.

The dogs hear me freaking out so they come to investigate.

Ridley starts salivating immediately (you can see little specks of dog spit on the deck) because he loves bugs and thinks he’s about to have a meal.

I love this photo – he thinks if he looks at it out of the corner of his eye the bug won’t notice him.

The dogs LOVE bugs. Ridley has been known to play with cicadas for hours and hours…just watching them flutter and hiss and spin. Ick. Gus, he likes the big, nasty scarab beetles that somehow find their way into my house. He got one last week and I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why he was foaming at the mouth. My daughter yelled, “Oh no, he has rabies”. Um, no. Eventually, I found the culprit. Another fine black scarab specimen.

The first such scarab that we found in the house was captured, put in a jar and fondly named “Midnight”. My daughter insisted we keep him/her. I, of course, refused. We set it free in the back yard as she cried, “Goodbye, Midnight, I’ll miss you.” Goodbye is right. And don’t come back.

A few months later I stumbled upon an Oleander Hawk Moth. Now, the moth was not as bad. It was quite interesting and I even let the thing crawl around on my hand for a photo op.

THAT was a BIG frickin’ insect. Just look at the wing span!

And then there were the cicada killer wasps. *Gulp* I seriously thought that I had stepped into “Land of the Lost” when I walked into my kitchen one evening to find a wasp the size of a small bird swooping around the ceiling. My first instinct was to run like hell. But I was in my own home, where would I go?

Nope, that’s not my hand holding the nasty wasps…are you kidding? I will only go so far for the sake of a photo op…and holding giant wasps would be going too far for this damsel.

Now, I will say that I don’t really like to kill bees of any sort but the first time I encountered the cicada killer wasp I was so panicked that I grabbed a broom and a can of bug spray and shot the sucker out of the sky then beat it with a broom. I was literally shaking…and trying to figure out why my house had been selected for this mutant insect experiment conspiracy.

That was not the only cicada killer wasp incident. I still get them every so often. But at least now I know what they are so I stifle the scream and just deal with them.

The bug this evening was not that big compared to what I’ve witnessed in the past. It was just…nasty looking, plus it was crawling on my leg and it had no business doing that. Eeeewwww.

I let the pooches play with it – only because I wanted to get some interesting photos to share with you so you, too, can be creeped out. You’re welcome.

It didn’t flutter, didn’t hiss, didn’t flop about. It just played dead so they lost interest and I took a stick and swatted it into the yard. Ick. No more big bugs, please. I’d be very happy if I didn’t see another insectus giganticus this year.

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Does anyone ever get these weird twitches in their fingers? I have a twitch in my thumb today and it is very disturbing. It is causing me to limit my exposure to the interwebs (who am I kidding? I’m still online…heh…I don’t think anything, short of death, would prevent me from blogging). It is, however, very annoying and I’m very tempted to start searching the net for possible causes/diagnosis – but I won’t. I’m not a hypochondriac. Really, I’m not. It’s just that this is such an annoyance for me today that I had to mention it.

It wouldn’t be such a big deal but it is affecting my typing. Egad, you say? Yep, I’m having a particular hard time with the space bar. As I rest my thumbs in their normal position on the space bar my right thumb seems to have a mind of it’s own. No matter how much I try to relax and just let it be, that thumb twitches and hits some random key, or it jerks upward like I’m the Fonz giving the “Aaay” thumbs up. It’s like it is possessed. Damn it! Make it stop.

Let’s just hope the twitch doesn’t travel. Then there will be some real trouble.

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We were enjoying a leisurely breakfast at J’s favorite morning spot. The portions were huge – great food, but just a bit too much for me. We had just been discussing the demeanor of our server – very friendly, almost a bit too flirtatious. As he approached our table to clear the dishes he grabbed mine, took one look and snidely remarked, “Ma’am, don’t you know there are children starving in the world?”. The boyish charm we previously thought he had evaporated instantly when he opened his mouth. All I could muster was an astonished, evil glare. DAMN! What I really wanted to say was “Listen punk, I didn’t ask for your opinion and if you’re so frickin’ concerned about this little bit of cold, soggy waste, why don’t you just go scrape it into a little care package for one of those starving children?”

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